Fast time

June 9, 2025.Reading time 6 minutes.

Is time whooshing past me? Maybe, sometimes. Apparently, it does for old people. My mum used to say this all the time. Yes, time. Once Monday comes, before you know it, the week is over. And, Monday is back again to kick start another week. My sisters say it now. Last week a friend, whom […]

A treat for two

June 2, 2025.Reading time 6 minutes.

At breakfast, sister number 3 and I agreed, that our holiday away, just the two of us, was indeed a treat. It felt free and easy, and unencumbered. At Mangala Boutique Resort in Pahang, there was a choice of freshly squeezed juices. A selection of fruit. A variety of pastries with homemade jam and butter. […]

Closure or no closure

May 26, 2025.Reading time 6 minutes.

I thought closure would help me. How? Be less sad, maybe. Feel less guilty, hopefully. How though? By seeing my mum and saying to her all the things I want to say to her. Like what? Like I love her. I wish I had done better by her. I wish I had been there when […]

365 days today

May 19, 2025.Reading time 6 minutes.

Today is one year since my mum passed. Yes, 12 months since she hasn’t been a part of my life. 365 days that I haven’t seen nor spoken to her, for real, I mean. I speak to her. I tell her things that are going on. Which is basically me speaking to myself. A one-sided […]

Life’s luxuries

February 3, 2025.Reading time 6 minutes.

I received a text about life’s ‘real’ luxuries from one of my chat groups. ‘Real’ as in not the things that some people would consider or think of like sports cars, mansions, and fancy handbags. Around the same time, brother number 2 shared the same list with the family. Hmm. The contents of the list […]

Independence

January 13, 2025.Reading time 6 minutes.

It’s been just over four weeks. I haven’t fallen off the wagon, yet. Pat on the back. Well done. This is the longest I’ve managed to voluntarily, not begrudgingly, not eat as much desserts like I always have, all my life. Seriously, I have been on a protein trail since my last medical screening. Even […]

Space Hopper

December 2, 2024.Reading time 6 minutes.

She had me at the opening paragraph. ‘The loss of my mother is like missing a tooth: an absence I can feel at all times, but one I can hide as long I keep my mouth shut. And, so I rarely talk about her.’ Helen Fisher’s Space Hopper resonated with me. The book is about […]

That’s life

August 19, 2024.Reading time 6 minutes.

Today is three months since my mum passed. I miss her. The previous Sunday, my husband and I went to see my mum at her final resting place, with her new headstone. It was erected on the Wednesday before. That was her wish/decision. To be buried. To have the customary final rites performed for her. […]

Meet up

August 5, 2024.Reading time 6 minutes.

I met up with two of my university mates recently. It was my first social meet up since my mum passed. I have consciously avoided speaking, seeing, or spending time with anyone outside my family. The last gathering that involved family members was about nine weeks ago just before sister number 3 left for England. […]

Finality

July 29, 2024.Reading time 7 minutes.

I’m thinking. I’m questioning. I am consumed with thoughts, and questions. My headspace is full. I can’t sleep or stay asleep for too long. I have stare-into-space-moments. But I still get on and do most of the chores that need doing. I’m alright. I’m more alright than not, which is good. In fact, my husband […]