Disillusioned yet happy and hopeful
My Sinnavan would have been 74 on Wednesday. Not to be. She was a birthday girl. She loved celebrating her birthday. In fact, she had two. The first and actual one is on 5th August. The second is 10 ten days later, on the 15th. Apparently, this date came about because my dad had registered […]
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Yesterday was three-months since my Sinnavan passed. Like I had written before, it seems like a lot longer. On Wednesday, a memorial service will be held for her. Sister number 1 and family, and brother-in-law number 3 will be there. Also attending will be her ex-colleagues from the hospitals she had worked in. Going back […]
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I know feeling sad doesn’t help. I know my Sinnavan is not coming back. Nothing is going to change anything; however, I feel. I know all that. And yet … it’s hard not to feel sad. Hard not to feel that sense of tragic loss. That ‘never being able to see, speak and spend time […]
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I don’t like goodbyes. Like I had written previously, I want to and like to be part of the welcome wagon. The wagon that invites and is full of smiles, bear hugs and happy times to look forward to. This time around, when sisters number 1 from England, and sisters number 2 and 4 arrived […]
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I’ve written six posts about my Sinnavan. This is post number seven. I feel like I want to keep writing about her. I want to keep remembering her. And, keep her present in my life. It’s somewhat like what sister number 1 said to me tearfully over the telephone, ‘If we can’t speak about our […]
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My husband and I got together with brother 2 and family to celebrate his birthday. It was a few hours of chatter, laughter and feasting. The company was good. Stories and happenings were shared particularly by the nieces and nephews. The food received many thumbs-ups with an ‘I will return for the sausages’ review. The […]
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I told myself enough already but I can’t seem to or want to stop writing about sister number 3. It’s like an outlet for me, my mobile to talk to her, and about her. Obviously, I miss my Sinnavan. I miss my daily phone calls with her. I miss her voice. I miss her laugh, […]
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My husband and I lit two candles on 15 May for sister number 3. As did my siblings and family. To mark her leaving us. I know … WHAT? This cannot be but it is. Even as I lit the candle, I was saying this is not right, this cannot be. It cannot be but […]
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In the first week, I visited two museums and walked in three parks. I watched a band at a local bar. Doing things, keeping busy should help. In the second week, my husband and I drove to Cherating in Pahang, and Terengganu for five nights. A change in scenery should help. Did it help? Yes and […]
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The dominant thought, focus, theme of my every waking moment is my Sinnavan. I think of her. And, I think of her. I don’t want to. Seriously, I don’t. I don’t want to be sad and tearful. But I can’t help myself. Even when I’m doing things to keep my mind from thinking about her, […]
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