Nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Aging is also certain. If we don’t get hit by a bus or die instantly from a heart attack. Thanks to modern medicine, prolongation of life, the process of living longer is more certain than not. No so certain is the quality longer life offers.

Aging is inevitable. We’ll all get older, sooner or later. I know it’s difficult for young people to picture themselves old, wrinkly, or slow like old persons they see or not ‘see’ around them. I understand. I was young once myself. I also sometimes didn’t ‘see’ older people. A long time ago, I thought 40 was old. I’m guilty of thinking and placing my parents and grandparents in the ‘really old people’ category.

But now, being an older person myself, ‘How did I get here?’ – the age goalpost is shifting. 40 is still young. 60s and 70s, well… not young but not old, old. The over 80s and beyond are old. That said, they are still alright if they are mobile, independent, and can care for themselves.

There’s a lot to thank modern medicine for. But, there’s only so much that further advancements in medicine and technology can do to treat the natural aging process. Which invariably comes with ailments and frailty. There’s only so much the body’s organs can do to function efficiently after years and years of slaving to keep us breathing, thinking, working, speaking, eating, evacuating, walking etc. Gradually body parts get sick, break or slow down. Some require a lot of attention, and still fail. Some manage on regular maintenance. Most are on one or more age-related medications.

People are not created equal. Some might say it’s the luck of the draw. I agree. Because it does matter where we are born, country, state, location, the left or ride side of a railway line, the family we are born into –  with money, well-informed, or less money and struggling – hereditary illnesses, diet, and lifestyle choices. All contribute to shaping our lives.

And, if we manage to miss that runaway bus or overcome that ticker attack or some fatal organ failure or avoid a terminal illness, jump over all those hurdles, we still have old age to contend with. And, time to trawl through available medical possibilities like medicines and treatments, onsite and offsite care, geographical access, and financial affordability.

Aging is a process, and it can be a long-drawn one. It depends on the number of years we are alive. And, how well we live those latter years of our life. Ailments, loss of independence, disappearance of dignity, reliance on others, abandonment, nursing homes, private nurses and caregivers like Kalyani are things I read about and think about these days. Fun research.

Why? Because of my mum, and other older people I now know about since she passed. My mum was my first up close and personal experience of the aging process with its accompanying illnesses, symptoms, and prognosis. She had chronic asthma, arthritis, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder (COPD). She fell from her bed just before her 88^th birthday, and thereafter required 24×7 care for about three years. 

Until today, I wish I had done more for my mum. I’m also the first to admit that 24×7 home care is hard. It requires love, care, patience, commitment, sacrifice, time, money and a lot of help. I also understand how not easy it is for individuals and families with their own families, work, personal and financial obligations to care for their older parents and relatives.

So how? Where will old people live out their twilight years when they can no longer safely care for themselves. There are nursing homes, retirement homes, assisted living facilities and curated personalised housing. There are also welfare homes and charitable organisations.

Elderly parents might choose one of this accommodation to avoid being a bother to their children, who have their own lives or are already old or ill themselves. Others might be compelled by family because they are physically unable or mentally unwell, and require expert help.

Some of the options worry me.

Older people, me included, very likely have had, and still have full lives. They may have been CEO’s and/or held responsible jobs, instructed people what to do. Raised families. Paid bills and mortgages. Lived and managed their own homes. Did what they wanted, when they wanted. Drove, flew, went on holidays, and visited places. Partied with friends. Played sports etc.

In a care facility/nursing home environment, the sum total of their lives is a bed and a sidetable or cupboard containing their most precious belongings. Shared with others in similar situations and fates, if/when private rooms are not available or too expensive. Subjected to a regimented schedule. Wake-up time, bath-time, meals and medicines-time, recreation-time, visiting-time, sleep-time. Repeat. Serviced by random healthcare professionals. Like school but worse. Hmm.