I’m not a chocolate snob or connoisseur. My chocolates don’t have to come from the finest hand-picked cocoa beans from somewhere along the equator. They don’t have to be single origin, bean-to-bar or artisanal. Hmm… I only just learnt these terms.

I’m more of a chocolate monster. I chomp at all things chocolate. I’m happy with any of the popular brands found on supermarket aisles. I’m also quite adventurous with unfamiliar or house brands. As long as they are chocolaty, creamy, and nicely sweet, not sugary sweet. This is true. I can’t stop until I’ve eaten all the chocolates within sight and in the house. Oddly, I’m both sad and relieved when they are all gone. Mission accomplished.

Anyways, I know good chocolate from years of eating them. Recently, I bought a bundle of three milk chocolates from a local pharmacy that I go to occasionally. The retail staff, an elderly gentleman whom I know, said they were from Poland, and suggested I try them. The packaging was professional. Price was attractive. Why not? I’ve had Eastern European chocolates before. They were quite good. I’ve bought chocolates from the pharmacy before. They’ve always been good.

Not this time. The chocolates were bad. Absolutely inedible. I still persevered, and tried to eat them. Mainly because I’ve never met a chocolate I didn’t like. This was the first time that I was defeated. Defeated by the taste and worse yet, after taste. All three bars tasted like plastic. It was as if the chocolates were left outside under the sun for too long; the sun then melted the plastic packaging and permeated into the chocolate, overpowering the chocolate flavour. It was awful. The thought of that dreadful taste makes me want to retch even now.

Why the terrible taste? This is why. ‘If you taste any unnatural flavours such as chemicals, gasoline, or plastic, this means that the chocolate was likely processed, shipped, or stored incorrectly at some point. It can also be an indicator that the chocolate may have been packaged in materials that are not food safe. A bar with an unnatural flavour should be tossed for your safety.’[1] I did eventually.

I’ve had a long and pleasurable relationship with chocolate, only broken by my last experience, which I like to believe was an exception. Milk chocolate is my favourite. I like nuts, fruits, and biscuit bits (Biscoff) in mine. I like a crunchy texture. Not so much the smooth and creamy variety, which I find glides down my throat too easily. Dark is too bitter and white does not qualify as chocolate as it’s the wrong colour and it’s too sweet, even for me. 

After the plastic-chocolate taste experience, I was somewhat curious to learn a little about chocolate. In the past, my interest was limited to looking and salivating at pictures. Naturally, there’s more to chocolate than its luscious appearance. I learnt what a ‘chocolate bloom’ is. It’s the dull, grey, or white streaks that appear on chocolate that might have past its prime or best quality. I’ve seen these blooms before. I took it as a sign that the chocolate needed to be consumed urgently. ‘Chocolate bloom’ is usually caused by long term storage and temperature fluctuations. The chocolate taste and texture might be affected but it doesn’t make it unsafe for consumption. Yay.

Of the many chocolate storage tips, I like the one on refrigeration. Only because I live in a hot country, and refrigeration is sometimes unavoidable. It’s generally best not to store chocolate in the fridge. But if needs must, then place chocolate in an airtight container in the fridge. When ready to eat, take it out, wait, yes, wait, until it gets to room temperature (waiting doesn’t work with me) before unwrapping and savouring. It minimises condensation formed on the chocolate, which is what leads to sugar bloom.

What? Well, there are two types of blooms – sugar and fat bloom. Sugar bloom is caused by surface moisture (think humidity, think changing temperature, think fridge) that dissolves the sugar. Fat bloom is caused by changes in the fat crystals in the chocolate. Both can cause changes in texture. Other tips include placing chocolate in a cool, dry place, ideally between 18-20°C, and away from strong odours.

Chocolates apparently last a long time. Not with me though. Sigh. ‘Dark chocolate has a shelf life of about two years if unopened and stored properly.  Other chocolate types, such as milk and white, will remain good for a year or closer to six months once opened.’[2].  Why? Dark chocolate doesn’t contain milk unlike white, milk and chocolate chips.  Also, chocolates with fillings and add-ons likes caramel, nuts and fruits have a shorter shelf life than solid chocolate.

Next, the difference between good chocolate and the super-duper expensive, premium ones.