I live with my mum at her condo 5N/5D. My week with her starts on Sunday at 9pm and ends on Friday at 9pm. Brothers number 1 and 2 are with our mum at the weekends. My husband calls it my work week. Other people go to work or have a job in an office, factory or hospital on the weekdays. He says, I have a job or go to work at my mum’s. A 5-day work week. Not quite.
My Sunday evening starts with laundry. Blankets and pillow cases. Followed by stripping my mum’s bed clothes. New sheets on. Gathering her bed linen, cushion covers, numerous towels and sari-covers for the next load of laundry. Washing down her kitchen top and sink, replacing kitchen towels and preparing her plates and cutlery for Monday or vegetarian day. I then get my mum ready for bed. Bathroom, diaper on, a chat about the weekend and hot water on her side table to sip during the night. Lights out.
Monday to Friday revolves around looking after of my mum’s personal care/needs – bathroom breaks, showering, grooming – including cleaning dentures and cutting her nails, and dressing. Administering her medicines – correct dosage, correct times. Liaising with and making payments to the palliative team. Monitoring vitals and health status – cough (dry or wet), phlegm (yellow, white, frothy), fever (if any), breathing patterns (laboured, wheezing) and fluid build-up in the lungs/abdomen (check limbs and belly if bloaty). Preparing/ordering/buying meals – pureed fruits for breakfast, rice and vegetables for lunch and oatmeal with fruits for dinner. Checking inventory, procuring medicines, and household needs. And, dealing with service providers like the cleaner (confirming time/date and arrival), Astro (when channels do not work or WIFI is down), oxygenator company (monthly payments and maintenance) and deliveries (food, medicines, and groceries).
During the week, my husband and I have about 90 minutes when we see each other. We have dinner, fit in a quick walk and be back about quarter to 8pm. My mum is pretty much glued to Astro’s channel 211 from about 6.30pm to 8pm. Because she has forgotten how to use the remote control for Astro, I return to change the channel to 223 for her to start watching her fourth Tamil soap for the evening, which starts at 8pm and ends at 8.35pm. In the interim, dinner and medicines are all done by 8.45pm.
It’s not a job but it does, invariably, involve work.
That said, I genuinely like my weekdays with my mum. It is my time and opportunity to be with the old girl. Especially as she sleeps at night, and many hours in the morning and afternoon. When she is not asleep, she is on recovery mode. This involves snoozing and resting. The condition makes it amply important – to be with, chat with and do things with her like watch TV, during her waking moments. Nice. Coincidentally, at no point in my life have I lived far away or have been away too long from my mum. On those very rare occasions, she somehow managed to travel together and/or visit in parallel. The four years that she lived with my husband and me, and the nine years that she has been living in her own condo unit, I have been with her and/or a few floors away.
As part of my 5-2 week, I’m also with my mum on Saturday and Sunday mornings when she is ready to go to the bathroom, and to give her a shower. As she is not hooked on to the oxygenator during her shower, I do my best to complete the process in under 4 minutes, as advised by her palliative doctor. Her Ejection Fraction must now be alarmingly in the low 20’s. Admittedly, shower time still takes between 5-7 minutes. The plan is to achieve the target 4 minutes but the weak link is my mum. She is slow washing her face and other personal bits, which she insists on doing herself. She wants to help, it’s good exercise and encourages hand-eye coordination. I apply creams and ointments for the various maladies. Followed by a warm chocolaty-milky drink. Mouth rinse. She is ready for her morning sleep. Nice.
I have the balance of the 2N/2D with my husband. It’s our time together, to catch up or just be. Nice. Also nice is that it allows us to have two leisurely brunches and/or lunches, longer walks, visits to places a little further out of KL, and one drawn out dinner on Saturday, without watching the clock. And, yes, to enjoy movies, TV shows, news segments and documentaries together. A degree of normality. Nice.
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