Sister number 4 left for home after 5 weeks of caring for our mum. It was both sad and hard saying goodbye. It always is.

She returned home to Brisbane to her family. They were eagerly awaiting to see her as she was to see them. Particularly her adorably, huggable not yet 1 year-old grandson. Needless to say, sister number 4 left with a heavy heart, knowing full well our mum’s condition will not improve. No two days are the same. A good day is a bonus. A not so good day is to be dealt with as best as possible. Still, both mum and I were/are happy she managed to come, and stay as long as she did.

As with all previous visits, I learnt a lot from sister number 4. She is meticulous, focused and knowledgeable. Up at 5’sh each morning. Ready and prepared for when mum awakes at around 7am. Breakfast was a platter of fruits, chopped into bite size. Why? To aid in her bowel movement. A solution that is working, thus far, after a couple of uncomfortable incidences. Then, medicines for the heart, lungs and pain control. Vitals – Check BP and saturation levels. All done by 8am’ish.

Toilet time. Shower time. The latter was completed in an efficient 10 mins. Sister number 4 actually timed it. Why? This is the only occasion when mum is not attached to her oxygenator. With Ejection Fraction (EF) dangerously low, probably in the lower 20’s, it’s not advisable to be without oxygen supply. Last August, the EF was 28. Creams applied for itchy skin, ointments for aches and pains and old faithful Vicks for cold and comfort. Sleep time or recovery time.

Our poor mum gets exhausted from the morning activities. The hot shower depletes her tired body of energy. Even in the better old days when she used to care for herself, she was knacked after a shower. That said, her shower used to last for a good hour. She used to say she needs the time to clean the dirt/grime that rolls of her body. Hmm… And, later slept in her wingchair when she was supposed to be performing her morning prayer. She used to deny sleeping but photo evidence proved otherwise. This always produced cheeky smiles.

Lunch time. After a few days of observation, sister number 4 deduced that a meal comprising rice with curry or sauce, vegetables and protein would be more conducive for mum’s bowel movement. Not noodles. Not pasta. Not bread. The times that mum had noodles, keow teow and mee goreng, tasty as they were, did not help in her going to the bathroom. Thankfully, she still enjoys rice. With her appetite almost negligible, coaxing her at meal times requires stretching the truth. We tell her if she finished her meals, she would be able to gain weight. This is true but not likely to happen. Also, she would be able to walk independently without her children’s help. This is a hope, which is also not likely to happen. Our mum weighs an alarming 35kg, down from 50kg. She needs sustenance to sustain her throughout the day.  

Which is why sister number 4 made teatime a must-have at 5pm. She called it ‘ding-ding’ time just like a bell to sound the arrival of mum’s Nestum Optimum, a fortified drink that she has four times a day, and 2 biscuits. Not 3 biscuits, just 2. Why? So that the old girl can accumulate calories via the smaller meals, and still have room for dinner.  Again, because of the almost non-existent appetite, teatime is a welcome addition. It’s working, thus far.

Dinner time. Light. 2 slices of bread, with edges removed and mum’s go-to Laughing Cow cheese. Nestum Optimum mixed with Milo. Then its prunes soaked in hot water to allow easy chewing with her dentures. More medicines that also include a laxative. Detailed and intensive, every day – that’s sister number 4.

I know a little, and whatever else Google tells me. It’s sister number 4 whom I turn to when I am unsure or need reassurance about a pressing or uncertain health condition. Her medical knowledge is a big asset. She is pro-active and preemptive. Thinking, asking and planning a few steps ahead. Its she, who asked all the right questions of the palliative team. Medicines, alternatives and processes that the team already has in place. She successfully retrieved from the palliative doctor the critical stage our mum is at currently. It helps to know, and it doesn’t. Hmm…

I miss sister number 4 as I did sister number 3. Between them, they were with our mum for more than 5 months. I miss having them around, the genuine love, the camaraderie, and most of all, the support.