Last Thursday, my sisters arrived in KL. Sister number 1 from England. Sisters 2 and 4 from Australia. They are here to be with brother number 2 and me. Five siblings from the original ‘Magnificent Seven.’

We are getting together, I think, I hope, to help us find some solace following sister number 3’s sudden passing. It was and is painfully unexpected, and very unreal.

Thinking it, saying it, hurts. And, it feels not possible. In my head, ‘how can this happen’ plays on like a broken record. I’ve wished it was a mistake. I’ve wished it was a misunderstanding. Knowing fully well that the tragic fact is sister number 3 is no more. 

Sadness doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. ‘What to do’ is my perennial question and statement. Nothing really. Think. Don’t think. Stop thinking. Thinking continues to prevail.  

I think of the peculiar, the happy, the funny, the generous and the so many other aspects of my dearest Sinnavan. While it makes me sad, it also makes me smile and laugh, which helps a little, and keeps her ‘alive’ in my head.   

For instance, she’s the only person I know who can sleep at the drop of a hat. A trait or talent honed probably from working night shifts as a nurse and theatre nurse. It could not be inherited as we are a family of established insomniacs. That said, she did have sleep issues during the night but she was amazingly adept at power naps when she became tired during the day. 

This is true. I sat in the passenger seat when she pulled over on the motorway in England and had her 10 to 15 minutes, snooze-on-cue. We were returning from visiting sister number 1. 

Another time she excused herself and had a nap, as in comfortably lying down on the sofa with a hat on her face at a cafe in Bexleyheath, where we had finished round one of our ice-cream desserts. She woke up, refreshed, and was ready for round two. I took a photo of her while she was asleep, and had it customised into a coaster for her to remember that nap at that cafe.

She did the same when we had dim sum with niece number 3 in KL. Short sleep, up, wide awake and full of energy.

Her power naps are incredible. I told her if only she could bottle them or sell her technique, she’d be a millionaire, many times over. She described the moment or moments before she went into her deep nap as a feeling of luxurious, free fall. I’d like some of that too😊.

She was the one who bought me a plane ticket to England. It was my first time flying, and it was my first foreign holiday. Before this, I had travelled only by bus from Alor Setar to KL to Kajang, and to Bangi, where my university was located. And, she made it happen during one of my end-of-year semester breaks.  

At the time, she was 31, and working at St. Bart’s Hospital in London. I was 22. I remember us traipsing all over the city, without a care in the world, or at least that’s how it felt. We went to the theatres, museums, discos (when they were still called discos), markets, which she particularly liked, and parks.

And, Paris, yes, the city in France. Another first for me. Via the ferry at Dover. Which was when I discovered I didn’t have sea legs. Whilst there, we went to a Sri Lankan restaurant, yes really. It was located across the street from our hotel.

Sister number 3 and the owner spoke in Tamil over dinner, and viola, we had two young men escorting us wherever we visited in Paris. And, for the return journey, we were given ‘bonda’ – a potato and chickpea filled dumpling snack – on the house, naturally. That’s sister number 3’s power of cultivating friendships, even on the fly.

During the same trip, brother number 2 (he was a student there) and I went to Wembley Stadium to watch the second FA cup final between Manchester United and Brighton. Second, because the teams drew 2-2 on their first outing. Tickets became available for the replay. It was sister number 3 who got us the tickets so we could watch Manchester United (I was a big fan then) lift the trophy with a 4-0 win.

What can I say… my Sinnavan gave me the opportunity to travel, experience different and interesting things/places and most of all, her love, time, kindness and generosity.

Having my siblings together feels right and comforting. We are sharing stories, learning and discovering things about our sister. We are also trying to make sense, and, come to terms, if that’s at all possible, with losing our thoughtful, supportive, vibrant, a-tad-unpredictable but always caring and loving sister.